Self Realization Nears

i feel like a large self realization is about to take place. i feel a lot of things sliding into their places and another part of the puzzle will come together soon, i can feel it. the beginnings are already taking shape and i feel myself grow anxious with anticipation at the arrival of new information. i cannot wait, yet im also scared. i fear that it wont be necessarily joyful information, but nonetheless enlightening and life changing i hope.there is still something much bigger than i can imagine within myself. i long for the moment i taste it in my blood.i really do think i need to start writing more, this is all too poetic for me at the moment.

i feel my mind trying to piece the bits of information together, like gluing a broken vase back together, but i’m missing too much to really know where to even begin. i need to break free and find what pieces lost are obscuring my path to ascension.

a peculiar thing happened today, there is a peer i have been talking to lately that displayed… well, just a strange but common gesture, but there was more behind it. it was all too randomly sadistic. i have to say, this feels, at the moment, as one of those tiny things that just pop out that will change your view forever of a person. it made me feel quite hesitant to continue the establishing friendship, which is all in itself quite morbidly unorthodox.

oh what fleeting feelings i always seem to come across. so momentary and strange.

as always i feel at the brink of my insanity, but i just seem to be pushing the envelope – and my luck – further and further. sometimes i really do think i’m just diving off of a large edge in slow motion. descending into the depths of my own dark world, an alternate reality inside my mind that no one can seem to pry open to peek in.

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~ by devcoffee on April 2, 2008.