It all Started with an LCD Neon-Blue Glowing Bitch

You pathetic humans love holding on to your psychological and emotional problems, your pain from the past, and every skeleton in that little closet in the back of your minds.

From setting the volume at multiples of five to omitting the stupid shit people should know, I’m done.

Last night, I said “Let’s push my limits.” and I sat nervously watching the volume on that little glowing LCD screen on the car stereo system scream “31″ into my fucking eyes. The world didn’t stop, cars kept on their paths, and people kept breathing. I was breathing. Inhale, exhale. I didn’t have that control I wanted, to have the number make sense in my mind. I couldn’t manipulate that fucking LCD neon-blue glowing bitch to a simple, understandable multiple of 5.

But you know what?

That’s LIFE.

It’s complex, there’s so many aspects, so many events taking place every second, right now. And everyone is thinking and feeling and doing and seeing the world from a completely different view than anyone else because of the simple fact that we are each completely different.

But even more fucked up? It’s completely simple at the same time. Everyone is just trying to live and what we all really want, is internal peace. We want to feel loved and worth something and important and free.

A lot of people want control. Control over their own life, control over their emotions, their thoughts. But life is utterly uncontrollable. Shit happens, and you can’t manipulate people or the world to fit to what you want it or them to be. And nothing ever makes real sense. Nothing ever comes nicely wrapped and easy to maintain with a little users guide that is fool proof. That’s ideal technology kids, not life. Life is growing and changing and full of minuscule details that effect everything else.

So I say: Fuck it.

You can’t change life to fit you, but you can evolve to easily live life, and that’s just what I’ve been trying to do. I want to lose control and take what comes to me. I want to adapt and grow. I want to accept and embrace the fact that I cannot control a single part of life except for what I choose to do with my own.

You can keep your lies, your tricks at making yourselves feel better, your pathetic incentives to be self-destructive. You can keep your guilt, pain, sorrow, honor, pride, fear, and worry.

I choose to befriend that once tormenting and intimidating LCD screen of doom that is now more like another reminder that life is whatever, and a lesson that it’s just too much work and effort to pretend that I have control over it all.
I choose to transcend to what, in my own opinion and fitting to my beliefs (or lack thereof), is more simple, less ridiculous, more ridiculous. Whatever it is, I think it’s way better than what I’ve been witnessing and experiencing and being a part of for the last eternity.

I wish more people would do the same. NOT conform to my beliefs but look pass the stupid shit and really find something that works for them. And I fucking love and thank every person that has been pushing me towards my goal all along.

Go ahead. Find yourself.

~ by devcoffee on May 17, 2008.